I don’t exactly remember, when was it that I first felt the magical rays of LOVE that awakened my soul and carried me with it to the highest gardens for never to return. I don’t remember how I first learned to worship the shrine inside my bosom. I don’t remember what had made me search for the secrets that DIVINE hides under its covers. But, I clearly remember what I felt when this Flame ruptured my chest to slice my heart and exposed me to the abundance of its mysteries and the grandness of its majesty.
I remember how LOVE had suddenly appeared
in my life like a spring after a harsh winter spell and sprouted my lifeless
branches with affluence of foliage. Love’s coming had turned me to the contemplation.
I started to flip through the books to seek for those who had felt what I was
feeling. I started to search the holy scripts to know what Pious say about what
I was experiencing. Yet, I was lost and awakened at the same time. I was,
suddenly, a diviner and a sinner in a single soul. This ambiguity of my
thoughts and the ambivalence of my feelings seemed more painful than the pain
of a half pierced heart.
Then, My Beloved, came you to my rescue
like the Ark to Noah’s floods. You came to me in no less mysterious ways than
Issa to Mariam’s womb. You uncovered to me the wonders of covert. You disclosed
to me the secrets of hidden that I had been searching in the scriptures of God.
You made me discern the mysterious mysteries of LOVE. You became the center of
my sphere around which my soul was orbiting like earth around the sun. All at
once, the search was no less peaceful than watching brooks dancing under the
silver rays of moon.
How I wished the Path of Existence were as
smooth as your first kiss between my eyes, as blissful as your first song to my
essence. But, when was Eve allowed to stay happily ever after in the garden.
The Fall is inevitable. I had to be departed from the Paradise to find my way
back. With this Fall, I understood that to seek is no less a Sin than to eat
the Forbidden Fruit, and I had already eaten it.
Now the Course of my existence was being
altered and the harshness of my voyage had begun. This spiritual affinity was
ripping me off, but I was gratified with its torment and enchanted with its
torture. Irrespective of its bitterness, the journey seemed heavenly. The taste
of its every lash and the pleasure of its every wound deserved a silent
reverence. With every thrashing, I was being elevated to holy of holies. With
every lashing, I was being exposed to the mystery of mysteries. I was being
unchained from the Laws of humanity.
There was something in this Sin that was
purer than the purity of prayers, higher than the heights of Minars, and deeper
than the depths of Ganges. There was something in this bearing that was taking
me closer to the DIVINE. I has started to know what I had not known before, to
feel what I had not felt before, and to see what I had not seen before. The
fear of Laws had started to fade away and the departure from the heaven was no
more painful, as I was being exalted to the gardens higher than the
skies.
The sacredness of the Sin was revealing
itself naked in front of me and I was getting dissolved in its charm and purged
by its gaze. It was the awareness that only a sliced heart can fathom. Those
whom love has not killed will never understand what it means to die, those
whose wings love has not pruned will never understand what it means to
fly.
I am the Chosen one, Love has chosen me
and now, I see no more fears of rules nor am I bothered by the false codes. I
have been cleansed with every tear falling from my eyes. I have been freed from
the sense of shame and grace. All that is left of me knows the grace of Love.
All that is left in me knows the obedience to esteemed. All that is left in me
stands unashamed before the divinity of Beloved.
Those who don’t understand the
divinity in this sin are still deceased with the disgrace of being. Love has
refined me and I am seeking it to the farthest of skies, to the freedom of
frees, to the eternal of eternities. I have discerned that to seek is not to
reach the destiny but to walk the Path
of Existence.
